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Panax
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Name: Charley
Country: United States
State: Ohio
Metro: Canton
Interests: The universe and all creations, music from all walks of life and language of any kind placed in order to construct a sentence. Pulsating beats and swing patters applied to any object to make that sweet, sweet rhythm.
Industry: Entertainment
Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM:  kongs23
Member Since:
2/17/2003
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| Throw away the stereo, hide the telephone.
Sometimes you’re just not ok
Level off
There’s nothing strange about this.
Stuck in a rut that I have continued to dig deeper. In my psyche I often believe that I work towards light, that my body and soul are engrossed to light, towards daylight is natural. The sad thing is that I’m beginning to realize daylight is unreal. It is a cover for my invisible friend. But, there is no invisible friend. There is only I. I guess fight club would best describe the situation at hand, well, Fight Club or Rescue Me.
I have the idea that we all lie to ourselves. We all tell a story and at first we realize why we are putting said persona out into the world. We think that the fake life I could lead is more respectable and “ordinary.” But that ordinary is not good enough for today. We tell this lie and eventually we, ourselves, mistake fiction for fact. We forget the real struggles and dark, cavernous, depths of our lives. in consequence we all, at some point, live in a false realm.
I am sick of putting on this facade. Its no ones fault but my own, however, I know of certain instances where I place these stories more than most. I know why, to avoid conflict. I write these short stories to avoid the people around me a headache or fearful feelings for my future or well-being. Again, there is no blame on them, but I just wish my actions could be better understood.
Just a few thoughts…
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| So its been a while. I apologize to you good ol Miss. Xanga, I have neglected you and did not mean to.
Bizarre how fall comes, winter
follows, spring, summer than repeat. All these magnificent changes
around me yet I stay stagnant.
Sure people will give examples of
how they perceive my changes and that I am incorrect. They will say
that I am not seeing all that is around me. They will say "sure you've
changed" and ramble off all the ways. But they are wrong.
Completely wrong.
To be harshly straightforward, the
dislike for my environment and the ways my life is occupied right now
are growing every day. But to that you will say I am wrong. How easy we
forget, someone always knows better.
Well people say a lot. I say to much and I’m sick of talking. | | |
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Is there a point where all you know
seems to be wrong? A point where colors do not exist, only black and white? A
point when you can’t witness your thoughts and actions?
I missed my nephew’s birthday party
today. I’ve missed too much in the little guy’s life. Obligations are starting
to get the best of me…
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Goodbye Xanga. There will be no more...
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| Chance encounters, thoughts, the inner voice that tells you go somewhere, go now! You follow not knowing what will come or who will run into whom. The idea that a Supreme Being, God, our creator weaves the quilt of life so tight that these “chances,” these “blessing,” these moments change everything. They can bring miracles of many colors into your life. Closure, happiness, sadness, whatever in some strange way they reshape your life.
My great grandmother just passed away. Her mind was gone, she knew nothing of what was occurring around her, and well at least that’s what doctors say. She grew up in a completely different world. She went through historical events that only we read about. She saw the country and the world change at such a rapid rate. I had many opportunities while I was growing to hear her stories of depression, excitement and many things that again, I can only read in a book. My mother’s grandmother, my great grandmother.
My mother had always been close to her, but we live in different states so she never had the opportunities to visit much. A spur of the moment decision to go visit my father’s mother, my grandmother, was acted upon this weekend. During the visit they got the call that my great grandmother was having many complication at the place she was staying. A miracle it was. It had been about six months since my mother had last seen her grandmother and on the spur of the moment decision to go to PA, she was with her as she took her final breaths. Sad in some aspects, but I believe it was miracle.
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